Anger and Kindness
by Guvnor of Space
Summary: Sequel to "Pride and Cowardice." Arkesh's attempt to apologize to the one he hurt the most goes disastrously wrong.


AUTHORS NOTE: This is a sequel, so if you haven't read Pride and Cowardice yet, go do that. I'd like to thank my internet friend WolfyDrake for his editing help. He's a better author than I'll ever be, and as such he's an excellent Beta reader. Please review, of course, but please, for the love of god, be honest. I'm a big boy. I can take criticism.

My name is Arkesh 581, and it has been ten months since I last fed on Kandrona rays. Yeah, that's Yeerk humor. So many of the former Sharing members were addicts of some kind, it was sort of inevitable that we would find some kind of humor from it. Oh well, I guess it's not really that funny.

My former host managed to land himself an acting job. I was slightly impressed. Sure, he had always been involved in Community Theater, but his acting talents had always been limited. According to the private detective that I had hired, he had landed a support role on a "sit-com" as an oddball Andalite. Seriously, ten months after everything went public and they were already laughing about it. I swear, no matter how long I live here I will never understand humans.

He had an apartment in an area of L.A. that wasn't that crime ridden. Another benefit was of course the fact that no-one in this area knew who I was. That meant my chances of being attacked were slim. I was quite happy about that.

I was pretty sure he would be home when I knocked. My private investigator assured me that he kept a strictly regulated schedule. That struck me as odd. Before he had been my host, his schedule had been erratic at best. Sure, after I took him his schedule became far more regular, but I hadn't expected that to last. I chuckled a bit, standing on his doorstep, thinking that I may have taught my host time management skills. I guess that may be why he looked confused when he opened the door. He didn't talk for a second, obviously expecting me to say something. I was frozen. The chuckling died off, and I was left standing in the doorway, suddenly very nervous. It was my host (_former host)_ who broke the silence.

"Uh… hi. What d'you want?"

I had planned this. Damn it, I had planned this I was going to remain in control.

"My name is… Arkesh 581…. I'm here…"

"Arkesh 581? Of the Grom Umlet pool?" He had an odd look on his face.  
"Yes. And I'm here because I want to…"

I was cut off by the fist that landed in my many times damaged nose.

He was yelling.

"WHY THE _FUCK_ ARE YOU HERE? YOU'RE GONE! YOU CAN'T BE BACK!"

This time his fist landed in my gut and I doubled over in pain. This was not going well. He landed several more blows, and I was starting to get scared that he might be mad enough to kill me. My savior appeared in the form of a middle aged Asian women two doors down. I guess she heard the yelling. She was probably the only other person in this part of the the apartment building during the middle of the day.

"What are you doing? Derek! Stop hitting him!"

Her words fell on deaf ears. My face was starting to resume its familiar pattern of bruises and cuts. I knew what happened next. I was going to black out soon. The sweet oblivion, the darkness that I had experienced too many times before. I had long since collapsed, and was lying on my back on the floor. But then he stopped. The women had knocked him into his apartment. She was looking down on me with worry. "Are you all right?" I tried to shake my head yes, but that hurt too much, and it only twitched up and down a bit. Apparently that was good enough for her. She had left my range of vision, but I could still hear her. "Derek. Why in the name of god did you attack that man? You almost killed him!"

Apparently, she had hit him pretty hard because he sounded woozy. "Yeerk. He's a Yeerk… names Arkesh… I was…." He didn't finish, but the women had figured out what he was going to say because now she was standing over me again. "He was your host?"

I found that I could still speak. It wasn't much, but…

"Yes… need…to…apologize."

"Yeerk filth. I don't need an apology." I could hear the sound of the floor creaking. I guessed he was pulling himself up.

The Asian women interjected. "You want to apologize to your former host? Really?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Drake, I don't mean any offense but this isn't any of your business. That piece of shit kept me as a prisoner in my own head."

"It's my business, _Mr. Richmond, _because you're beating a man to a bloody pulp in the hallway three doors down from my apartment."

"It's not a man. This _thing_ is a Yeerk."

"He looks like a man to me. Since that body isn't a host, than I would have to say that he's human."

"That doesn't change what he is." He sounded less angry now. I was quite glad about that. It meant that I might not even need to go to a hospital.

"Alright Derek, if that's how you feel, I won't make you do anything. However, I don't believe in beating someone half to death and then throwing them onto the street. Mr…. what was it?"

"Fiveeightone"

"Mr. Fieveeightone, how do you feel about stepping into my apartment so I can get you cleaned up?"

I had managed to sit up by this point. My head was killing me, and I realized that I was dripping blood onto my shirt. Human convention dictated that it was now ruined. Personally, I never would understand that one. The material was still perfectly useable. I understood that business wear had to be kept clean, for purposes of decorum, but casual clothes like the T-shirt I was wearing were apparently ruined by blood. I guess it probably just unnerves humans to be reminded of their vulnerability. Whatever the reason, I was going to have to dispose of the shirt now, and that annoyed me. Still, in the here and now, I had Ms. Drake's offer. "Thank you. That would be most appreciated." I was getting better with my manners, as well as accepting help. I found that I was actually much happier now that I wasn't an island anymore.

She led me into her apartment and sat me on a chair in her small kitchen. I was still dripping blood, and I guessed that she didn't want it on the carpet. She ducked into the bathroom and returned with a wet wash cloth. "Here." I accepted the cloth and began the methodical task of removing the excess blood from my face, and examining the damage underneath. As such things go, it wasn't that bad. He had only managed three direct hits on my face. My nose hadn't broken (this time), which I was pleased about. Still, I was going to be covered in bruises (again) for a while to come. While I worked on my face, Ms. Drake poured herself some coffee. "You want any? It's nice and hot. I was just making a new pot when I heard the ruckus in the hallway."

"No, thank you. I don't consume things which contain amounts of caffeine designed to act as a stimulant."

She gave me one of those looks that told me I had said something odd. After about half a second of thinking I decided a normal human response would probably have been something like "I don't drink coffee." I was getting better at this, but the lack of host memories could make things annoyingly hard sometimes.

"Suit yourself. You don't know what you're missing."

"Actually, I do. My…. Derek is a huge coffee drinker. After that experience, I've sworn off of it for good. It can be addicting, you know."

She shrugged. "Maybe. But it keeps me awake." She sipped from her mug for several seconds, the two of us sitting in silence.

"Mr. Fiveeightone, I don't think we've been formally introduced. My name is Cynthia Drake. It's nice to meet you." She held out her hand.

I took it. "I'm Arkesh 581. Please, call me Arkesh. It's very nice to meet you Ms. Drake."

She didn't suggest I call her by her first name. I didn't know what that meant. This was certainly a situation I had never encountered before.

"So, Mister… Arkesh. You really tracked down Derek so you could apologize to him? And you didn't think that he might be a bit angry?"

In hindsight, my plan did appear to have numerous flaws. "I was hoping I could tell him I was sorry before his anger drove him to do something rash."

"Like, say beat the snot out of you?"

I winced. "Yeah, but it is most certainly not the first time that has happened. I'll live. The important thing is I need is for him to stay calm for long enough that I can give him my apology."

"You know, I've never heard of this kind of thing before. The news mostly talks about anit-integration rallies, or the upcoming trial of Visser One. You know, things like that. I've never heard of Yeerks apologizing to their former hosts."

I reached into my back pocket and removed my wallet. Inside were some of the new business cards Urbosh had had me print up. She took a look at it and burst out laughing. "Yeerk to Earthling Support? Yes? Who came up with that name?"

"Our, for lack of a better term, leader. He thought it was a funny idea to use an acronym. I admit, while I am beginning to appreciate some human humor, this love of acronyms will forever baffle me."

"Just say Y.E.S." She started laughing all over again. I don't know why it was so amusing, but I wasn't going to complain about it to someone showing me what was often considered "basic human kindness." One of the myths that they told themselves that I still wouldn't accept, no matter how much Urbosh pushed me. Still, I guessed it was people like this women that he was talking about.

Eventually, she regained control. "Alright. Sorry about that. It's just, we never hear about Yeerk's having a sense of humor on the news. I've never even met a Yeerk before, did you know that? Not knowingly at least."

"Well then, I hope I represent the species well, although I doubt that to be the case. They're aren't many people in Y.E.S. There are still a lot of us out there hanging onto our arrogance and pride. For many, it's all they have."

She looked contemplative for a second. "I guess I should be angrier at you. I figured that you guys had to be pretty evil. I mean, look at everyone who's dead because of your little invasion. But I guess I'm not that mad. No-one I know died, and I was never a host. I guess I just don't have any reason to be angry. People like Derek are the one's who have a reason to hate an entire race. Not that I think that's justified."

"It's more justified than I would have thought it was a few months ago. Former hosts have plenty of reason to hate us. That's why Urbosh wants us all to apologize. We're trying to integrate ourselves into your society, and telling our former hosts how regretful we are seems to be a good way of showing our intentions. I just don't know how to talk to him." It was right about now that I was kicking myself for leaving Urbosh in San Francisco.

"It's admirable I guess. I just don't know if you can make everyone accept you. There are a lot of hateful people in the world. Hate crime legislation is supposed to actually make it through congress in a couple months you know."

"I doubt it will help much. The whole system was heavily infiltrated, which means we now have to try to find police officers and district attorneys and judges willing

to push charges forwards. Besides, they usually wear something over their faces. I've never been able to identify one of my attackers with perfect certainty."

She looked taken aback. "You've been attacked? Why?"

"I've been attacked by small groups of people no less than six times. Usually, it followed someone figuring out what I was. Two times it followed a slightly derogatory comment I made."

She looked sad. "I'm sorry. I didn't know things were that bad. Is there… is there anything I can do?"

This was a new feeling. It was warm, and pleasant, and something I had never actually experienced, even in my old host. I think humans refer to it as being "touched."

"I'll get by alright." I stood up. The bleeding had mostly stopped. "Thank you very much for helping me. I need to get going though. I'll talk to the group and see if I can come up with a better way to talk to my former…" I stopped. I knew that calling someone your former host in the company of normal humans tended to elicit a strong negative reaction. They didn't like being reminded of what you were, even if intellectually they already knew. "I need to find a better way to talk to Derek."

"I have an idea of how you can do that."

Well, no harm in listening to her idea, even if she did seem hopelessly naïve. "How would you suggest I go about it, Ms. Drake?"

She grinned. "Use me as a shield."

"What? I could never ask that of you. That's almost as bad as…" I didn't finish. The idea of using a human as a shield seemed sickeningly like taking a host. An idea which had seemed perfectly normal to me four months ago now had the power to make me feel ill.

"Look, Arkesh, I know what it's like to be discriminated against. You noticed I was Asian right?"

I nodded. I had noticed, but thought nothing of it. I never understood why the humans felt the need to divide their species into various races. They always seemed to need some reason to attack each other, and this was just another reason. I guessed that it had gotten better now that they could all hate us.

"I was adopted. Everyone else who went to school with me was white. I got picked on and bullied because of it. I don't think things are as bad in the schools as they used to be, but thirty five, forty years ago, things were pretty bad for someone like me. I know about discrimination, Arkesh. Maybe Derek has a good reason to hate you but…"

"He does have a good reason to hate me. I took his freedom, I…"

She held up her hand and I stopped talking. "But… you should still get the chance to apologize to him. I don't think he just hates you. From what he said to you, I think he hates all Yeerks. Whatever you were, you seem like a polite, decent human being now. I think we need him to see that."

I had the feeling that she was right. "Are you sure?"

"I figure that the best way to get him to rethink his position on these things is to have the Yeerk that hurt him the most show him how sorry they are."

That seemed logical, but rarely had I ever known a human to behave logically. "Look. What he wants most is for me to be dead, preferably in several pieces. I came back, hoping some of that anger was gone. It's not though, and that means he probably still feels exactly the same way about me that he felt when he was… enslaved."

"I guess it's ultimately your choice, but I think running away now wouldn't do either of you any good."

Running away? I wasn't running away. I was backing off, until a better time for us to talk presented itself. Oh hell, who was I kidding? I was scared, with good reason. But if a complete stranger was willing to risk their safety to help me with this, who was I to back down?

"Alright. Let's do it."

Ms. Drake knocked on my former host's… Derek's… door. I stood to the side. "Derek? It's me. I want to talk to you." There was a sound of a chain being slid out, and then the door opened. "Ms. Drake? Look, I'm sorry about earlier. If you're here to apologize about hitting me, don't bother. I was out of control, and…." I stepped forward, standing behind Ms. Drake. "You! Why'd you bring him back here! I want him gone! Quickly, before I feel the need to rearrange his face some more." Before he could slam the door, Ms. Drake stepped into the frame.

"No, Derek, you're going to talk to him. The two of you are going to have a civil conversation."

"Ms. Drake, please get out of the way. If he doesn't leave soon, I'll do something I regret, and I don't want you to be in my path when I do."

Ms. Drake's tone changed. It sounded far more ominous. "What if I don't? Are you going to hit me? Shove me into a wall? I didn't think you would sink that low."

His fists curled at his side. "Are you siding with him? Because then I might be willing to hit you. If you were a collaborator…"

I spoke up. "Look, I came here to apologize. You have no idea how sorry I am for what I did to you and…" I couldn't remember her name. Oh god, he was going to kill me. Why couldn't I remember her name? A small, evil voice in the back of my mind whispered to me. _She was just another host Arkesh. No need to get upset over it._ I tried to ignore it, but what it said was the truth. I couldn't remember his girlfriends name because to me, she had always been just another host.

"Sylvia. You were going to say Sylvia, right? The love of my life? You forgot her name though. No surprise there. Do you know what happened to her? She died when the pool exploded. She never would have been there if you slugs hadn't taken her. You killed my girlfriend and you want me to forgive you?"

I did, but I guess that would have to wait. "Not really. I just wanted you to know that I regret what I did. In time, I hope you understand why I did what I did, but for now, just know that I regret it."

"Oh, I don't think you _really _regret it yet. Ms. Drake, get out of my way, right now."

"No, Derek. I'm not going to let you hurt him again. Do you know how many times he's been attacked for what he is?"

"Not enough, I would think. He's responsible for the death of my girlfriend, and he kept me as a prisoner in my own mind for over two year. Do you have any idea what that's like?"

She was faltering now. I've come to understand that arguing with former hosts is hard to do without sounding cruel. "Derek…. I don't know what that's like. But he's not the only Yeerk out there. Do you hate all of them?"

He sneered. "Wouldn't you? I can't believe they let them live among us. Stupid hippies and their peace loving politicians. We should have killed them all when we had the chance."

Is this the host that I had lived in for a year? When I'd taken him, he'd been a dreamy clerk, with little to no hate in him. Somehow, I knew it was my fault that he had become this hate filled thing standing in front of me. I felt more guilt than I would have thought previously possible. At the same time, he was making me angry.

"You think my entire species should be condemned, do you? Do you know what its like to be blind? To have no body? To…"

"Shut up. Just stop talking. I've heard it all from you when you were in my head."

"Do you remember how I felt when I took her to the pool? Do you remember, or were you too consumed by your rage? I didn't want to make you like that. I did it because I was ordered too, and I couldn't have her notice if I disappeared."

His voice dripped with sarcasm. "You were just following orders, huh?"

"Yes. And those who gave the orders were perfectly willing to order my execution. I'm a coward. You know that."

"Of course you're a coward. You're a Yeerk. You hide yourselves in our brains because you're too week and scared to do anything on your own. Obviously you're a coward. You're an entire race of cowards." Yet even he didn't seem completely convinced about that. I still had trouble with subtle tonal changes, but his tone _had_ changed slightly. Maybe he was starting to understand, or at least starting to think things over.

"I did what I did because I was scared, and because I didn't fully comprehend why what we were doing was wrong. I now know just how horrible what I did to you is. I'm genuinely sorry."

He still looked angry, but he seemed less so. "You know, I still hate you."

"I do."

"But… I guess I understand it. I don't condone it, but I guess it makes sense. I guess the fact that you admit your own flaws tells me that you understand that too."

"Thank you. That's all I could really ask for." I remembered, suddenly, the gift I had brought. It had stayed almost completely untouched in my front pocket. "Here. Just remember that I remember who you were. You're more than just a host now. Odd how that can happen." I handed the Twinkie to Ms. Drake, who passed it on to Derek. He looked, quite frankly, stunned. "You didn't remember Sylvia's name, but you remember that I like Twinkies. What the hell is wrong with you guys?"

"What was the name of our… my… Sub-Visser?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I hardly see how that matters."

"Exactly. You were in love with her. I never was. My Sub-Visser mattered to me, but not to you. Twinkies were something we both liked."

"Alright. I guess you've made your point. Now please, leave. I don't know how I feel about you right now, but part of me still wants to kill you."

"As you wish."

Ms. Drake took the hint and stepped out of the doorway. It slammed in her face. She looked at me oddly.

"Really? Twinkies? I've always been more of a Ho-Ho person." She smiled, but even I could tell it wasn't real.

"I'm sorry Ms. Drake. You didn't need to get involved in that."

"Don't be sorry. I thought if I was there to help you could patch things up, and maybe he would forgive you, and then I would have managed to reform one bigot. But…" She looked to be dangerously on the verge of tears, but none came. I guess she was strong like that.

"He may still come around. He has a lot to think about right now. I didn't expect him to forgive me right away. The fact that I was able to talk to him at all is thanks to you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that." I pulled out my wallet.

"Are you going to pay me? Because I really don't…"

"If you want, yes. But I really just wanted to give you one of my business cards."

She took it. "You would be willing to pay me for that?"

I shrugged. "You did me a great service. I figured that's what money is for. However, the fact you didn't request payment in the first place suggests that I was witness to something Urbosh has called "basic human kindness." For something so basic, I find it surprising that you are the first person to show me any."

She nodded. "Arkesh…" She couldn't seem to continue. She took a deep breath and said "Arkesh… are you okay to drive?" I wondered what she had been planning on saying.

"I should be fine. If Derek wants to talk to me, tell him you have my phone number. If you want to talk… well, feel free to call me."

"I just might do that."

I felt an odd flutter in my chest when she said that. I'd certainly never felt anything like _that_ before. I swear I had read about something like it, but I couldn't place what it was supposed to be.


End file.
